In the immortal words (and tone) of AVGN James Rolfe, “What were they thinking!?” This game is the picture perfect example of a project that changed too many sweaty hands, fed too much money, and bloats to a unmanageable state before finally being wrapped up and delivered to the masses. So many questions are left unanswered. So much time was wasted. And I hate to say, but I had a lot of fun. Miserable fun. Because I am a fan. The highs are so powerful, they make the low valleys seem worth trekking.

Final Fantasy XV betrayed my sense of adventure. All too often, I spent time looking in the traditional places for treasure, down back alleys, in nooks of caves, hooked corners on maps, all to be served up mostly nothing. For the last 20 years of my life, Final Fantasy games (not to mention the JRPG genre as a whole) have pavlovianly conditioned the player to expect a reward other than the story for exploring. In a cave, given a fork with path A and B, you actually want to go down the wrong path first because chances are it is either going to be a trap or a treasure. And when you find that treasure, it is nothing but sweet bliss; a trap, at least returns some EXP and the thrill that the next wrong path may have something great in it. FFXV almost never rewards you for exploring with neither trap nor treasure. While never rewarded, I kept my faith believing that something special would show.

There is a severe shortage of usable weapons and items that give you a real edge. Half the fun of JRPG’s is getting so powerful, you blow things away, but you never get that chance in this game. Somehow, even with 4 weapon choices for Noctis, and 2 each for the other guys, with a total of 8 (including royal arms) different types, they find a way to give you very few choices or upgrades. You can acquire the best weapons of the pre-endgame by the halfway point in some cases.

There is no balance between the story and the sidequests. I spent 40+ hours playing side quests and hunts that open up by chapter 3 before progressing. It turns out almost none of them end up being helpful or open up any character development or deeper story. Sidequests have traditionally been used to further individual character story lines or deepen the main one. FFXV never takes advantage of this, much less try and have them at least be funny. In a sense, the tombs and the power they contain would have been a great addition if they had been the ONLY swords Noctis could use, making them a more important piece of the story, but you don’t even have to get them all to complete the story. It’s such a waste.

Your bros are just anime stereotypes. They are shorthand characterizations of loyal friends you may encounter in any major game, film, or book. And this wouldn’t have been a bad thing had they been fleshed out IN THE ACTUAL GAME! If you take the time to watch Brotherhood, you get a chance to see some life pumped into their husks, but ultimately it ends up being fruitless. The final credits scene of this game could have packed a real punch had they laid bare these characters lives. Even Noctis, the main character, spends most of the game fumbling for words and avoiding acting like a prince, or a king, or even a person. We know he likes fishing and has some favorite foods, but that’s about it. Everything else is just basic jaded teen prince.

What good does it do to reveal that Prompto is essentially a refugee from Niflheim and a born Magitek Soldier subject without giving you hints throughout the game? There is no mention of escapees from Niflheim before chapter 13 that unfolds during the main plot or in a sidequest. It’s possible I missed a document here or there, but to unload such a heavy nugget on a blurb is insane. It’s like erasing all mention of Soldier from FF7, only to reveal it right before you fight Sephiroth in Disc 3.

How can we believe in the love between Noctis and Lunafreya? I thought the Rinoa/Squall relationship was tenuous, but this was far less compelling. The game never expands on their relationship. Not even Noctis seems interested and the story isn’t interested in his disinterest. Seeing them work and sacrifice for each other feels hollow.

But despite all of this, and this isn’t even everything, I had fun. I waded through a terrible UI and participated in monotonous minigames all to experience the traditional Final Fantasy tropes. Even though they hammered homages over my head without any form of subtly, I enjoyed seeing aspects from FFIV – FFX and beyond. I put my money down on this experience hoping they may end up learning from this experience and right the ship. I can only hope my next 60+ dollars will be worth the 80+ hours I will spend in their world. Please Gods, please.